Not all loan sharks can swim

Not all loan sharks can swim.

They might give the impression they do, what with being hard bastards and all, but when it’s their turn to be in at the deep end and out of their depth, they just flap their water-wings, sploshing around like drowning puppies.

“Your signet ring is weighing you down!” I shout, “you know, the signet ring you bought with my mum’s tears – it’s weighing you down!”

Then I add “That fat gold chain is dragging you under! – the one you bought when you doubled her interest rate just because you felt like it, with a credit agreement written on the back of an envelope!”

“Can I what? – I can’t hear you, you are splashing too violently! It must be the bullion in your back pocket, if you jettison it, you might float back to the surface…oops! too late” I add quietly…